So Much Change, Packed Into One Small Year

I've been blessed with many good friends in my life, I'm so very lucky!  However, almost 11 years ago I lost my closest friend, my Mom.  It still amazes me how just saying/typing that sentence after all these years STILL brings the sick feeling in my stomach and tears to my eyes.

Since she passed away, I've had an extreme jealousy towards other people and their moms.  They tell me their mom is coming over with this or that for them, or they're going to dinner with their mom or their mom did this, that or the other thing and I would get filled with such resentment .. there have actually been times that I've made up reasons why I couldn't talk to them anymore right now.  

Worse is when someone is fighting with their mom.  It doesn't matter how valid their argument is .. all I can think as I listen to them is how the only thing my mom and I ever fought about was how big of a slob I am.  I just want to tell them how short the time you had together feels when they're gone.

One year ago today my first daughter was born.  At first I didn't see much of a difference between her and my boys, except that pink clothes are just wayyyyyy freaking cuter!  Then when she was about 4 or 5 months old, I seen an advertisement for a mother-daughter something or other (of course as I'm writing this I can't remember what it was lol).  My first reaction was that typical jealous little flutter till Randy was looking at me grinning and said, Next year you and Jordie can do that!

I love my two boys with all my heart and will always have a bond with them that is unshakable.

And in addition to that, I now have a little girl.  I now have a chance to again share in those Mommy-Daughter moments I've missed so much. 

Since that realization, the jealousy has actually completely dissipated. 

My Daughter, though she's only been with me for one very short year, has changed the person I am so much for the better.


Happy First  Birthday Jordie!! Thank you for changing everything, I will always love you just for being.  <3  Your Ga-Ga Gamma would have loved you so much!